How funny one little emotion can bring you to your knees, break you and yet at the same time, fill you with such hate and rage. But not at the other person, but at yourself…
“I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies, something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen and all those sad goodbyes”
The first time I told you how I felt, I was full of uncertainty, I was so terrified. I told you this eventually, but never adequately enough I fear. Then that first time we were together, it was too good, and I should have known better, I should have seen the “goodbye” coming long before it hit me.
“I’m never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool”
You were, no are, the only one I really want, then only person that I can see myself ever wanting to be with. You know this, and I can hear the pain in your voice when I say it. When I say I miss you, and I could hear the understanding in your voice and in your eyes when I muttered those three little words for the very first time.
“I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’d been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you”
I should have known better, I really should have. You were one of the few people that I actually tried to make friends with once we moved. You have no idea how much of a sad state I was in. I looked fine, but I was war, turmoil, and such depression on the inside, under my mask. I tried to dance again, I had promised I would at least try if someone was as worth it as you were, that was my last promise I made to another.
“Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
And there’s no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you’ll find”
I keep on getting told “time heals all wounds”. I call shenanigans, to put it lightly. There are some wounds that will never heal, no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want the pain to cease. Sometimes ignoring the pain is the only way to get past it, but when all I can think about is you, the wounds are opened again and again. It drives me to the brinks of insanity because no matter how I try, I cannot fix myself, but instead hide behind my mask. The mask that shields me from the pain and anguish found whenever I face the truth: You left me.
“I’m never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’d been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you”
——————
“Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose the crowd
Maybe it’s better this way
We’d hurt each other with the things we want to say”
There are things I wanted to say, things that I could never find the ‘guts’ you could say to tell you. When I did, there would come someone to ruin it and the courage lost. But again, sometimes I would say things, and I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice, they meant something to you, or it would hurt you a little bit. Maybe it is better that I never said some of the things that I never had the courage to tell you, I fear that they possibly could have hurt you.
“We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who’s gonna dance with me?”
Please stay”
I felt for you something that I thought dead and gone, shriveled and put in a jar locked deep within the well on my mind. I would have done almost anything for you, to keep you, just as I said. But I’m a liar, I gave up again. I gave up, because I knew, no matter how much I begged and pleaded, you wouldn’t stay. Not even if I asked you to, even if I asked you to please stay, please stay with me dear. Please?
“I’m never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’d been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you”
Maybe I was the fool, maybe it’s meant to only be me and my madness I call myself. Of one thing I am sure: I very well may never dance again, the way I dance with you love. It’s easy to pretend, easy to fool others. You were one of only three people to call me on my bull. One is a friend, the first I made before I met you. The other is six feet under, never to dance with me…
No one will read this, will really read it anyway. Those who do will just read it in passing. I have my mask and my armor, and I will take back up my post as the person I have been and will continue to be.
When I tell people I have insomnia and can’t sleep they ask me why not, is it just you’re not tired. I lie and tell them yes, that’s exactly it. The truth of it, I am exhausted, but I’m to afraid to close my eyes and drift off. I am my own nightmare, abd the memories I dream of make things even worse…
Pinned to a wall, a spear through my heart. I wonder to myself, if all this pain, this agony was worth it, if taking off my shell was a good idea or if leaving it would have been better. I just leave it there, pinning me to this wall of depression. What’s the point in removing it? You are the cause of my happiness, the one that I loved, I wish I could just love you less, believe me I do, but I can’t, and I was scared. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry, but the fact that you wouldn’t say something say it all…or was it that you…that you were just scared too?
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
OH MY LORD IT’S BACK ON MY DASH AGAIN OMG BLESS THIS
Really. Bless this post.
CRYING TEARS OF JOY
I’m so glad this is back!
what just happened
oh my god, CRYING, i love this too much
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
I had to reblog this even before I made it halfway through.
omG GOD BLESS
Truly, too epic for words
Fucking amazing
*cries a lot because this is how I feel*
It is truly a great gift to be born with the inability to die, weather its natural causes or to get a one up on an opponent (which most tend to go for) to be able to…
Edward Cullen:I want to kill you.
Bella:I trust you.
Edward Cullen:I want to kill you.
Normal Person:
Edward Cullen:I want to kill you.
Supernatural Fan:
Edward Cullen: I want to kill you.
Doctor Who fan: Brilliant.
Edward Cullen: I want to ki—
Harry Potter Fan: AVADA KEDAVRA!
Edward Cullen: I want to kill you.
Glee Fan: Let’s sing about it
Edward Cullen: I want to kill you
Sherlock Fan:
Edward Cullen: I want to kill you
Mass Effect Fan: In which color?
